So there are plenty of radio stations who only play Christmas music this time of year. Great! The problem with this model is … stations have to provide enough Christmas music to fill a month of airtime, 24/7. There is enough content out there, but some songs are BAD. Here’s Hil Street’s List of the Worst Christmas Songs Ever.
Dan Fogelberg, Same Old Lang Syne:
This song has a line about the frozen food section of a grocery store. I mean … he sings:
Met my old lover at the grocery store, The snow was falling Christmas Eve, I stole behind her in the frozen foods, And I touched her on the sleeve … We took her groceries to the checkout stand, The food was totalled up and bagged, We stood there lost in our embarrassment, As the conversation dragged …
Those are considered “lyrics.” Someone wrote that. And put it to music. This has no place in a holy holiday created to honor the birth of the world’s savior. Do better.
Celine Dion, Feliz Navidad:
No, no, no. Celine – you are French Canadian. Stop going after the Latina market. What’s next? Celine’s La Bamba cover album? Jose Feliciano’s recording of Feliz Navidad is perfect and you are not convincing. Would Gloria Estefan sing in your language? No. Hand me some freedom fries.
Paul McCartney: Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time:
Paul. You have blessed the world with the most innovative music. You changed music forever. How did you agree to record this? You have lost all synthesiser privileges. I hate to do that to you because we haven’t even met and I’d like our first meeting to be pleasant – but it has to be done. This song is terrible. The synthesiser noises from this very song repeat themselves in my nightmares.
Mannheim Steamroller, Christmas Eve:
I want to run a steamroller over the music you call Christmas.
Faith Hill, Where are you Christmas?:
At the beginning of the song, Faith is distraught because she can’t find Christmas. A mere two minutes later she finds it. That is unrealistic. Maybe it was behind Carrie Underwood’s CMA?
Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Christmas Canon:
Where is Trans-Siberia? I want to go there and steal your recording equipment. You took Pachabel’s Canon in D, made it Canon in Crap and now have more airtime than most Christmas songs. You also lose synthesiser privileges.